Friday, July 24, 2009

Checking back in

It's been a while since I posted here - It's been incredibly busy, and to be quite honest, in returning to work full time, I've been challenged with maintaining my recovered state.

Looking at the first few months of opening my business, my days were quite preoccupied as one would expect, with the tactical activities of a small start up - this meant every day I was working on building my website, and working to establish a name for myself on the one social networking site that I had chosen to use as my primary marketing vehicle. I also spent time tightening up my own book "Life Size Bride" and finding a printer to help me self publish (after being rejected by every publisher out there). It meant that suddenly, I was on the go again - but I could go at my own pace. Since nothing was riding on the line of my business' success or failure but the time I'd put into it, the risk was significantly mitigated.

Ultimately, I booked my first two jobs by the end of the summer (I was totally underpaid and completely underappreciated for the work I did - but I got the jobs, and like it or not - I was in business finally - for myself - no one to answer to but me and my clients). This was helpful to maintaining my path of recovery since at the same time I had booked these jobs, the book went bust - In fact, I still have copies available - offering them at my cost to have them printed $10 each. It was well reviewed by the few people who did read it, but low and behold, fat brides and older brides, don't apparently want to be reminded of the fact that they're normal. Go figure.

While all of this was kicking off - I continued with Dr appointments and insurance calls...and struggled through every possible side affect to the medication cocktails they were brewing up for me. I gave up trying to have kids, and started going to the pool to do swim fit with the old folks - ultimately, the busy-ness of the business hamster wheel, and the side affects put a stop to the swim fit...and my weight levelled off at the highest it had ever been (higher than I could have ever imagined it getting to be)...and the meds made sure I couldn't take it off easily, and the side affects made sure I didn't care.

In all that time, I was desperate to find someone like me. Someone who apparently doesn't exist (I know this is not true - mental illness is the leading preventable cost to group insurance companies and corporations alike). I needed, and still need, to find people who were in a senior management role, highly respected and highly professional white collar people who are survivors of this disease. I look at it no differently than I view cancer or other conditions that people survive and carry with them forever. I believe that we need to find one another, connect and together, work to change stigmas and perceptions in the workplace. I've come to learn that those people who can afford to do it, tend not to depend on community support groups, but rather since they can afford it, they get their therapy independently. Not to throw out the value of therapy, but something is missing - and that's community support of like individuals.

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