Tuesday, February 26, 2013


So, progress is important in life.  It's the laws of evolution.  It's how the human race adapts.  But in my world, progress is essential to keeping me engaged.  To keeping me alive.  If I'm not progressing, I get really. pissed. off.  I get bored and distracted and can stray so far from a good path, it's unrecognizable even to me.  I've had more than one occasion in the last year where as a result of being sick to death of dealing with the same old sickness and the lack of healthfulness of this family, I was ready to walk and find a new path.  One where I could be more successful, have more fun living, and learn/do something entirely brand new.

Today though, I'm so pleased to say, I have witnessed progress.  Real progress.  Since my daughter had her tonsils and adenoids removed merely two weeks ago, she's sleeping through the night and I could actually have to check to see if she is breathing before realizing it's true.  She's eating, like real quantities of food that were a never ending battle before her surgery.  When she went in for her surgery, she was 23 lbs.  At 2 years 8 months old, I knew this was a low weight, and I did everything in my power to get more fuel into her little body to help her grow and thrive, but who knew it was because her tonsils were humongous nothing would fit through.  I feel like the worlds shittiest mother for not figuring that out sooner and for forcing an appointment with an ENT months and months earlier, but I have to forgive myself and remember that I did force it.  I knew there was something wrong, I was trying to fix it, and I got her the help she needed.  Now I have to figure out how to feed this child of mine who won't stop eating.  It's way different than it was before.

And I've lost my first 14 lbs.  My pre-op diet, as much as it sucks, is paying off.  But when I sway from the path even the slightest teensiest bit, I pay the price for it.  So for the next week, I'm on it 100%.  No swaying.  Not even the teensiest, tiniest little bit.  I'd like to go in and weigh in before my surgery knowing that I've lost closer to 20 lbs pre-surgery.  What a hell of a jump start that will be.

In the grand scheme of things, 14 lbs is so not huge compared to what I have left to go.  But it is definitely a chunk.  A good chunk.  And if I were to lug 14 lbs of butter from the car into the kitchen I'd probably feel it. So I'll take it thanks.  It's 14 lbs I never want back.

So progress.  My husband still has many an ailment, but I figure the fact that we've gone now a full week without significant illness in this family is stellar.  Again.  There are 52 weeks in a year to get through, so I get it...a week is barely a drop in the bucket.  But I'm taking it too.  I'm looking forward to when sicknesses down this family for a maximum of just 3 or 4 weeks per year, rather than living for those rare 3 or 4 weeks when we're actually healthy and on the mend.

Without hope, we have nothing, and we die.  I'm glad I've got some back.

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