My first fill. I'd say it's a bit of a milestone.
I was immensely nervous. It was a long drive because if you recall, a couple years back we chose a rural life. These are the days when I feel like where we really live is on Green Acres, and it's one of those times when I wished for "the city life".
Anyway, 1 hour of rural traffic filled with old people on their quest to the "not so big" city, and wedging my very large truck into a very tight downtown paid parking space, was met by some very reassuring words by a very kind nurse like lady who didn't have to wear scrubs and wasn't all you know like uppity about my size. She seemed sincerely and genuinely proud of my progress, and let me know I was making good food choices.
She poked me y'all. She stuck a needle in my belly and made the opening to my stomach 1 fraction of a centimeter smaller. All in the hopes that I could see more weight loss progress. This was followed by an equally painful drive home, and the knowledge that I'd have to work my way back up to solid foods again, but it's done, and now I can see how the next four weeks rolls along. This is a long haul thing, and I find it funny that the people around me are the ones most frustrated that my loss hasn't been quicker. People expect miracles. I'm so very glad in this instance that I wasn't one of them.
And this is what lead me to the epiphany I had today. When you expect miracles, you find yourself begging the universe for them. You need them, you cry out for them, you pray for them. It's one of the ways that religions have indoctrinated the masses and have acquired their sheep. It's the dangling carrot.
When you simply appreciate them for their coincidental timing and recognize the effort you yourself have put into creating them, you can simply enjoy them when they occur and as they are coming to fruition.
The miracle of my daughter being born was the result of a lot of hard work, a lot of emotional turmoil, a huge amount of weight loss, and well timed relaxation...
The miracle of my weight loss is the result of a well placed investment of money, effort and time, and equal amounts of support from my family. I will get there, but in order to get there, it takes all these things. Time. Time. And you guessed it, more time.