Lost in my job.
Lost in my home.
Lost in my family.
Lost in my soul.
Feels like no one is knocking on my door, but some how there's so much to be done, to be said, to be felt from so many angles and people that I'm tripping over...and I'm lost. Like I'm invisible to everyone around me. My feelings mean nothing - they're easy to be trampled on. As long as I don't infringe on anyone else's inalienable rights to be assholes, I should be able to survive and be happy right?
It makes me want to shut the world right off. Makes me want to take my child and live in the smallest cabin I can find in the woods, and become a homeschooling hermit. Makes me want to not speak to anyone...anytime...account for anyone else's feelings but my own and my daughter's.
Makes me want to hide and tell the world to just Eff Off. If the world needs to be filled with and run by assholes, who am I to fight that? I'll just find a small slice of something the furthest I can get from anything otherwise labelled as "civilized" and live off my own resources.
I'm close to a breakdown. Maybe this is it already and there's no turning back.
Truth is, the people you love and who supposedly love you should be trying to be with you any chance they get. I seem to be surrounded by people who are trying to stay away...so maybe I'm the problem here. Maybe I need to just go away to make people happy.
Maybe the world would be a much better place if I weren't a part of it for all of those people. I clearly don't bring anything worthwhile to the table that would make anyone want more.
Lost. Invisible. Alone in a sea of needy, greedy, fucked up people.
Stop. I want off.