Well folks, tis that time of year again where the magic of giving and receiving and celebrating is descending upon us like that welcome blanket complete with the rope and the big rock it's all attached to that are going to yank us into the dark abyss of a lake, surprisingly not very far from here.
Yep...I'm being sarcastic of course, but it's definitely that time of year when family gets together to remind one another of where we come from. Where we can make the time to appreciate one another and remind each other how much we care.
And of course, then there's Santa and all the wonder and magic He, I mean She, inspires in us all to be gracious givers and even more gracious receivers. Honestly, it takes a LOT to make just the basics of magic happen at any time of year...and most of all at Christmas. There are only so many hours in the day for mom's like me to fit in magic making after surviving the office, and daily grind of eat your supper, wipe your butt, wash your hands, and for the last time "PLEASE AND THANK YOU"...er...please and thank you. Don't you know Santa is watching every single breath you take you little monster.
And this year amounts to no different at our household. In an effort to better control the budget this year, I got my sewing machine humming in mid summer and vowed that this year, I would make 50% of our Christmas gifts for family and friends. At the end of the day, I only buy for a couple of our friends, and the rest is family and when all is said and done, I still have 35 people to buy for. And I'm not the person who gives a small trinket and thinks "cool" we're all done here. Each gift I give is actually well thought out. Doesn't mean it's often expensive - I am a thrifty shopper. But when you have to buy 35 gifts, well, it adds up no matter how cheap you are.
I often wish very much that I were a trinket lover and thrifty-strong enough to say, well folks it's been nice but I'm only buying for the hubby and kid this year. I just can't. It's not in my nature. I've tried, and others have tried, but I'm in such a habit now of starting in January, that by the time December 1st has arrived, I'm ready to decorate, wrap and celebrate. I honestly don't expect things in return, but I have to admit, I'm probably one of those people you hate at the holidays because they make you feel obligated to reciprocate. And December is stocked up with celebratory events. Getting around to see each and every one of the people in our lives that mean the most to us, well, sometimes it's a burden to be so blessed. Christmas for us literally begins in November when we chip in to help my grandmother decorate, and starts peaking the first weekend in December when visiting begins. Then it's dance recitals, Christmas concerts, visits with Santa, visits with family, hosting family dinner and my goodness, please let's not forget the wrapping, stashing, hiding and baking...
I'll admit though, I was liking the fact that there was just a bit of extra cash on hand to buy for the hubby and my baby girl this year...that was until our 3 year old started behaving like a mean girl at school, and demonstrated that it was high time she learned what it was like to have less and be a bit kinder in general. And so we have begun our push to find things of a charitable nature we can do that will help instill in her a strong foundation of humility. In a real tangible way.
So in an effort to kick start this, we're now going to be adopting a family in our community. Giving them a Christmas so that my daughter can participate in the shopping and delivering of these things to a centre where our family can then collect them. It may not make a whole lot of sense to her this year, but this will undoubtedly be the first of many. We'll also be wedging in time to clean out our closets as a family so she sees that all of us are participating in a donation process and that all of us are working to meet the needs of our community and are being "kind to others". When they say parenting isn't for the weak or the selfish, they really bloody well mean it. This was in no way time and effort and money I had budgeted for. And these efforts really will be wedged in between things that are critical to be done if our magic is going to be kept in tact and as planned. And while I know the sanctimonious will be happy to remind me that this is truly the joy of parenting and something I should appreciate, I gotta be honest. I'm already charitable with people who matter the most to me. I'm respectful and kind and giving to just about anyone, but I'm not a "charity" kind of person either.
And so, the savings I've accrued by hand making so many of our family's gifts to others this year, is now being spent on those who really need it. And the people who receive my handmade crafts and goodies will know how much I love them because of the effort that was put into them. And God willing, my child learns by example that it's better to give than receive, to have love and warmth rather than things, and that all people deserve to be treated with decency, dignity and respect. Crap there's a ton of lessons to be taught - no wonder our parents always sounded so damn preachy. I feel preachy and I haven't even started for real yet.
Golly, someone better get me a strong soapbox. I could be here a while.
Showing posts with label charity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label charity. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
My Life is a Game of Jenga
OK...so it dawned on me today that my life is like a game of Jenga. You take a block that's been wearing down from the bottom of the pile, and while hopefully you remember to polish it up a little on the sleeve of your shirt along the way, you slide it back into place on top of the pile so you can focus on your next move.
Yep. My life is a game of Jenga.
So, I've taken this block out of the bottom of my pile called weight loss, and I'm polishing it off on the way to placing it on the bottom, when suddenly I realize that the blocks labelled my growing daughter and my fragile in laws are starting to come loose.
I'm placing that weight block firmly on top here, and now it's time to figure out which block to polish next.
My in laws are in dire straits. It's sad. It hurts my heart, mostly for what it must feel like for my husband, but I'm honestly more than perplexed at his reaction, and the lack of reaction in his siblings. Here's the deal. Mother in law is diagnosed with an extremely bad case of gall bladder stones a year ago, during preop tests, they discover she has lung cancer. Gall stone work gets placed firmly on the back burner while they deal with the 7cm mass in her lung. They can't operate so they treat her as a stage worse than she apparently is. End results are, there is shrinkage and the cancer is better, but not gone. She's gone through hell with her treatments and on the other side of this has discovered that not being able to work, and driving two hours each way for treatments 4 or 5 days a week has left them broke, over extended, and unable to feed themselves. She is depressed and vocally suicidal. Her gall bladder continues to give her extreme pain and discomfort, and it's unlikely that she'll survive any surgery, but at this point she's willing to risk it.
Her daughter and youngest son are awol and barely appear to have a peripheral interest. My family has made the 3 hour journey twice in the past month to take loads of groceries. It appears also that their church has found out about their hardship and they are providing some charitable provisions as well. They are now using a food bank for staples and griping that they can't get animal food and butter. My father in law has quit smoking (I hope it sticks this time) only because they can't afford to buy them. But if cash were no issue, I no he'd start up again in a heart beat. My cancer riddled mother in law, who is a senior and living on a pension, is back to work on the only job they have left between them to make sure they keep that extra $400 a month coming in.
I'm the one prodding my husband to call his parents, to go up with provisions, and talking about bringing in the siblings to help cover off some of the bills. I'm the one trying to spark ideas about perhaps selling their property and buying closer to my family so that I can at least help physically with things that need to be done, and so that she is closer to cancer treatments when she inevitably has to start them back up. This is all for people who I can barely tolerate. Why? Because they are my daughter's grandparents, and because it seemed at one time they were very important to my husband. Why is it, I seem to be the only one who's concerned?
And the other block is my daughter's block. She has many in my Jenga tower. Believe me. But yesterday, she started to do that thing where she's beginning to branch out. We moved to this community so that we could be more relaxed about her safety, and so that we'd have more trustworthy neighbours. We moved to a safer community in general. On Sunday, while outside playing with my husband, she met some of the kids on our street, and the two of them got familiar with some of our neighbours. Yesterday afternoon, my daughter chose to hang back and play with a few of her new friends while I walked down to retrieve the mail. Never out of site, and always supervised by an adult, my nearly 3 year old child started branching out. She had fun, and I was outside of my own body the whole trek to the mailbox and back again, because I wasn't hanging on to a little hand. I realized, I'm not sure I'm ready to take a side seat in her life. In fact, I'm not ready at all. And I have to be. It's incredible to me how quickly the time passes from dependent on someone else for every single breath to fully raring to go and charge ahead knowing few limits and pushing oneself to the brink of independence the way a 3, 4 and 5 year old child does.
On one hand, I'm proud of the person she is becoming, and I'm overwhelmed by how close the two of us are. I pray every single day that we keep this bond. And I know I'm doing things right, because I've already heard on more than one occasion that she "doesn't like me". That can only mean I've established at least some of the right boundaries.
On the other hand, I'm scared to death of what awaits her, and how her independence can be reckless and haphazard. I'm so scared of letting go of her hand it paralyzes me, and gives me out of body experiences.
So which block to move and polish then? I'm not sure either one will leave my tower standing. I know that moving them will make my tower more fragile - at least in the short term. I'm leaning on polishing off my child's block a bit, and standing by in observation on the in laws block. For the life of me, I can't understand why an outsider like myself, is the most concerned part of that whole mess. It's enough to make me pause and look for other cross impacting factors at the very least.
Yep. My life is a game of Jenga.
So, I've taken this block out of the bottom of my pile called weight loss, and I'm polishing it off on the way to placing it on the bottom, when suddenly I realize that the blocks labelled my growing daughter and my fragile in laws are starting to come loose.
I'm placing that weight block firmly on top here, and now it's time to figure out which block to polish next.
My in laws are in dire straits. It's sad. It hurts my heart, mostly for what it must feel like for my husband, but I'm honestly more than perplexed at his reaction, and the lack of reaction in his siblings. Here's the deal. Mother in law is diagnosed with an extremely bad case of gall bladder stones a year ago, during preop tests, they discover she has lung cancer. Gall stone work gets placed firmly on the back burner while they deal with the 7cm mass in her lung. They can't operate so they treat her as a stage worse than she apparently is. End results are, there is shrinkage and the cancer is better, but not gone. She's gone through hell with her treatments and on the other side of this has discovered that not being able to work, and driving two hours each way for treatments 4 or 5 days a week has left them broke, over extended, and unable to feed themselves. She is depressed and vocally suicidal. Her gall bladder continues to give her extreme pain and discomfort, and it's unlikely that she'll survive any surgery, but at this point she's willing to risk it.
Her daughter and youngest son are awol and barely appear to have a peripheral interest. My family has made the 3 hour journey twice in the past month to take loads of groceries. It appears also that their church has found out about their hardship and they are providing some charitable provisions as well. They are now using a food bank for staples and griping that they can't get animal food and butter. My father in law has quit smoking (I hope it sticks this time) only because they can't afford to buy them. But if cash were no issue, I no he'd start up again in a heart beat. My cancer riddled mother in law, who is a senior and living on a pension, is back to work on the only job they have left between them to make sure they keep that extra $400 a month coming in.
I'm the one prodding my husband to call his parents, to go up with provisions, and talking about bringing in the siblings to help cover off some of the bills. I'm the one trying to spark ideas about perhaps selling their property and buying closer to my family so that I can at least help physically with things that need to be done, and so that she is closer to cancer treatments when she inevitably has to start them back up. This is all for people who I can barely tolerate. Why? Because they are my daughter's grandparents, and because it seemed at one time they were very important to my husband. Why is it, I seem to be the only one who's concerned?
And the other block is my daughter's block. She has many in my Jenga tower. Believe me. But yesterday, she started to do that thing where she's beginning to branch out. We moved to this community so that we could be more relaxed about her safety, and so that we'd have more trustworthy neighbours. We moved to a safer community in general. On Sunday, while outside playing with my husband, she met some of the kids on our street, and the two of them got familiar with some of our neighbours. Yesterday afternoon, my daughter chose to hang back and play with a few of her new friends while I walked down to retrieve the mail. Never out of site, and always supervised by an adult, my nearly 3 year old child started branching out. She had fun, and I was outside of my own body the whole trek to the mailbox and back again, because I wasn't hanging on to a little hand. I realized, I'm not sure I'm ready to take a side seat in her life. In fact, I'm not ready at all. And I have to be. It's incredible to me how quickly the time passes from dependent on someone else for every single breath to fully raring to go and charge ahead knowing few limits and pushing oneself to the brink of independence the way a 3, 4 and 5 year old child does.
On one hand, I'm proud of the person she is becoming, and I'm overwhelmed by how close the two of us are. I pray every single day that we keep this bond. And I know I'm doing things right, because I've already heard on more than one occasion that she "doesn't like me". That can only mean I've established at least some of the right boundaries.
On the other hand, I'm scared to death of what awaits her, and how her independence can be reckless and haphazard. I'm so scared of letting go of her hand it paralyzes me, and gives me out of body experiences.
So which block to move and polish then? I'm not sure either one will leave my tower standing. I know that moving them will make my tower more fragile - at least in the short term. I'm leaning on polishing off my child's block a bit, and standing by in observation on the in laws block. For the life of me, I can't understand why an outsider like myself, is the most concerned part of that whole mess. It's enough to make me pause and look for other cross impacting factors at the very least.
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