Wednesday, July 18, 2012

What happened?

Where'd I go?

Well, I got pregnant, had a baby, and then got way too busy to talk to people about how much depression hurts and how I got over it...well, and after you go through post partum depression, you really hit a whole new level of low you could never imagine.

So November 4th, 2009 was the day that changed my life forever.  It was the day I found out I was pregnant and finally understood why I had felt so ill I wanted to crawl into bed and never leave.  Fast forward through a whole 9 months of agony mixed with elation to June 10, 2010, when my most perfect and beautiful baby girl was born.  Onto the fall in 2010 when I finally gave up trying to deal with post partum depression on my own and got meds again.  Thank goodness for Wellbutrin, that's all I have to say.  And now it's 2 years later, and I find I'm fighting it again (get this, once you get depressed it never really leaves you - it just goes dormant for a while).   The crisis du jour is that I'm getting even older, even fatter, and now am facing the fact that I will not have another baby, and I still can't stand the work I'm doing day in and day out, but I'm stuck like chuck!

Can't quit my job we need the money.   Can't find another job that pays me the kind of money I make now with the same kinds of benefits.  Can't find the time to even consider going back to school to try and learn something new.  And even if I did, I'd be screwed because I couldn't afford to start back at the bottom of the food chain.  SO - this next challenge is to figure out how to maintain the status quo, and most importantly figure out how the hell to enjoy it while I'm stuck here.  OH, and so that means I think that I'll be spending a bit more time writing, dreaming up new schemes and telling you all about them.

Step one is waiting for bariatric surgery.  Great that OHIP now covers this stuff, and I'm forever grateful to live in a place where that the option.  BUT, did you know that just to get your orientation session it's an 11 month wait?  There are only 5 hospitals in Ontario that offer this under OHIP.   The price tag on doing it privately is ~$16K though.  I guess I'm waiting.

It's got the creative juices flowing though.  I hope you'll stick with me on my ride here.  Hoping to be able to document my journey and share with you how it transforms my mental health, and my physical ability to keep up with my ever growing child.

I've missed you all.  And I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to come home!

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