I survived

My first fill.  I'd say it's a bit of a milestone.

I was immensely nervous.  It was a long drive because if you recall, a couple years back we chose a rural life.  These are the days when I feel like where we really live is on Green Acres, and it's one of those times when I wished for "the city life".

Anyway, 1 hour of rural traffic filled with old people on their quest to the "not so big" city, and wedging my very large truck into a very tight downtown paid parking space, was met by some very reassuring words by a very kind nurse like lady who didn't have to wear scrubs and wasn't all you know like uppity about my size.  She seemed sincerely and genuinely proud of my progress, and let me know I was making good food choices.

She poked me y'all.  She stuck a needle in my belly and made the opening to my stomach 1 fraction of a centimeter smaller.  All in the hopes that I could see more weight loss progress.  This was followed by an equally painful drive home, and the knowledge that I'd have to work my way back up to solid foods again, but it's done, and now I can see how the next four weeks rolls along.  This is a long haul thing, and I find it funny that the people around me are the ones most frustrated that my loss hasn't been quicker.  People expect miracles.  I'm so very glad in this instance that I wasn't one of them.

And this is what lead me to the epiphany I had today.  When you expect miracles, you find yourself begging the universe for them.  You need them, you cry out for them, you pray for them.  It's one of the ways that religions have indoctrinated the masses and have acquired their sheep.  It's the dangling carrot.

When you simply appreciate them for their coincidental timing and recognize the effort you yourself have put into creating them, you can simply enjoy them when they occur and as they are coming to fruition.

The miracle of my daughter being born was the result of a lot of hard work, a lot of emotional turmoil, a huge amount of weight loss, and well timed relaxation...

The miracle of my weight loss is the result of a well placed investment of money, effort and time, and equal amounts of support from my family.  I will get there, but in order to get there, it takes all these things.  Time.  Time.  And you guessed it, more time.

I missed it - International No Diet Day

This stuff needs more press attention.

http://www.ayearwithoutmirrors.com/2013/05/celebrating-international-no-diet-day.html

Was busy with work yesterday and totally missed that I missed out on a day I wish I'd thought of.

A super smart girl on another blog figured it out and wrote about it though.  I wish I'd read it yesterday!

Baby Food - Bleh

So I've progressed to the pureed portion of the recovery program...and let me tell you, I remember why I made so much of my daughter's food when she was itty bitty.  YUCK.  That stuff is gross.

I know exactly how you feel buddy.

But I can promise you, even pureeing your own meals is not appetizing in the least.  I'm starting to wonder if this progression from clear fluids to whole foods isn't their way of either making food so unappealing that you lose weight by the mere fact that you'll opt for meal replacement shakes for the rest of your days, or that you'll be eager to get back in there and have them remove this contraption for good (at a cost of course)...cuz my GAWD, I want something real like yesterday.

In terms of loss, they keep saying not to focus on what losses you may or may not be seeing during the recovery phase.  I can see the logic there, but honest to goodness, with the little bit that I'm eating, and the lack of flavour, fat and calories, I'm surprised I'm still upright.  My loss seems to have stabilized at around 25 lbs from the day I began the pre-op diet.  I'm going to set myself a goal of a 40 lb loss by May 1st.  Keep your fingers crossed that I'm close - because we have Easter AND 2 birthdays to get through in April...IT WILL NOT BE EASY, that's for darn sure.

The site on my tummy where the port is placed is tender and uncomfortable and it's basically driving me bonkers.  I'm ready to get rocking and rolling around here doing things that would normally be no issue to do, and I'm being halted by the nagging weight of a foreign body literally bulging through my stomach.  I seriously think I'm one sleep away from dreaming about ripping the thing out of my stomach with my bare hands.

So all this may very simply be frustration from not eating anything with substance.  But yeah, I'm a little exhausted by the tedium of this recovery, and at the same time, thankful like you wouldn't believe that I'm not facing a longer more arduous recovery process associated with gastric bypass.  At least knowing that I'm in the home stretch is going to refuel me.  Seems like the hardest part is getting through the first three days on the new phase, and the rest of it blows by without the blink of an eye...but those first 3 or 4 days are brutal.