So I recall when I was off on leave and trying to find my way through the darkness, that my doctor said to me "the city and the lifetsyle here are really what's making this problem so bad." He told me that at least "50% of his patients were having similar issues" to mine, which kinda blows that whole 1 in 5 statistic way out of the water. I'd long suspected it, and am now even more convinced than ever that the 1 in 5 stat is outdated. These were his observations, and I honestly whole heartedly believe he was right. Living in the city and working for a big multinational company was chewing away at my soul...in fact it still somewhat does. But until you can make the same kind of money doing the things you really love, in a place that brings you peace, well, you're certainly up shit's creek, aren't you?
So when the time was right, and we (meaning the husband and I) were able to make it work for us, we made the very huge decision to move from a city of over half a million people, to a town of only 3300. That's right. It's a "blink and you miss it" place right between a slightly bigger "blink and you might miss it" place, and a much smaller (300,000 ish) but significant city. We're in heaven.
I'm working from home every day, which takes a lot of focus sometimes, but also means I've got more flexibility than I've ever had in a job before. And it means that I have no commute to collecting my child from daycare. And when the weather is nice, and my windows are open, it feels an awful lot like working from a cottage - with the obvious exceptions of me having a glass of wine in my hands and sitting dock side.
It's not without it's drawbacks for sure. It's half an hour to anything remotely like a shopping centre where you would buy normal every day things. There's no car dealership or broadly recognized repair centre within a 45 minute radius. And don't even get me started on the country clock, which seems to tick at least 4 times slower than any clock I'm accustomed to. A trip to the doctor's office takes about half an hour longer than it really should take. And getting prescriptions filled at the local pharmacy - even when there isn't a line up, my goodness, it takes forever. And now the hubby is further from work so isn't home as often, and since moving out here was also a significant move "up" for us financially, well, let's just say that balancing the check book hasn't been easy either.
But, while the panic attacks haven't completely gone away, and I'm still dealing with the depths of my illness daily, the benefits I'm gaining from adjusting to this new life and lifestyle are immense. I may have the panic attack, but there are way fewer of them, and I'm generally able to work my way through them without medication. I think I've only used 1 ativan since we moved in December. I'm warding off the depression, just by the simple change of scenery and the change in atmosphere. The air is so much cleaner and crisper out here. Even on the hottest days, it's not smoggy and doesn't choke you.
Welcome to headspace. This is an investment for us in our family and in our health long term. It's been an incredibly easy transition to make emotionally. In fact I recall telling my boss the first day I returned back to work after the move in December, that it was already feeling like home. I often miss the character we had built into our last home, but we're quickly building that character into our new one. And I'm healthier in my mind and so much happier for it.
(photo credit www.usapics.net)