Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Chew on this

ahhhh.  It's wonderful you know.  The world of chewing.

The good news is that I didn't chip a tooth, and the food tasted great.  The trouble is that by the time you finish chewing your miniscule blueberry size bites, well, you're so dang tired of chewing, that half wish you could go back and do really good purees.

Yes you heard me - I love cooking enough that the only way I managed to survive purees was by carbing them up a bit and adding a pile of flavour.  That meant though that while visually unappealing as they were, the taste made up for it.

So food was deeply missed over the last 3 weeks. and is being immensely enjoyed once more, but not nearly in the quantities it once was.  I often recall looking at what the recommended food servings were by the Canada Food Guides perspective, and thinking "Shyeah.  Right.  No normal human being that I know of eats that little and feels satisfied."   I wasn't wrong.  The quantity of food I ate before at any given meal wasn't abnormal or excessive.  My problem has always always always been the snacking in between.  It would be nothing for me to eat a full large bag of chips in a given day.  I'd start munching away at them in the morning while I toiled away on compiling metrics, crafting messages, and generating reports.  And then I'd have lunch, and get back into the swing of working, and if I didn't have any other meetings, and was busy working away independently, my hand would find their way back into that chip bag, and before long, it would be time to pick up my daughter and get started on pulling the family supper together.  The calories I piled in during the space between meals is what was killing me.  And worse even during peak stress times and when I was called upon to strategize a solution to a big issue.

Now, it's a guarantee that I'll be snacking.  I have to.  Because the meals I'm eating would make you cry if you saw the quantity of food they contain...well, that is, if you're normal and not already banded.  But the total quantity of food I'm going to have in a given day is going to be what a normal person would eat in just 3 hearty meals each day.  Or less even if I'm well behaved and choose wisely.  But I feel full.  And that is key.

The surgeon told me he wants his patients to feel about food, the way they feel about air.  You absolutely need it to survive, but it's so plentiful that you take it for granted, and don't think about where your next breath is going to come from.  I'm not sure the foodie in me will ever let go of some of the things food does for the human race that go beyond simple sustenance, but at the moment, I feel about as close to that as I could imagine being.  I'm craving salad.  I'm craving fish.  I'm craving non-processed food.  Because it will fill me faster.  Because it will fill me longer.  Because it won't hurt going down.  Because it's what my body needs.

I'll even tell you how I know this is all true.  I bought a bag of chips and dip when out shopping the other day, anticipating the glorious day when I could eat solid foods again, and indulge in some age old addictions. The twisted plan was to satisfy the immediate cravings, reward myself for having lost 30 lbs, reset my resolve and dig back into the regimen heading steadily towards the 60 lb mark.

I'm proud to say, that bag of chips, that container of dip are still untouched.  And I've been on solid foods now for 2 days.  There were bite size tortilla chips already open and a homemade dip in the fridge from a dinner guest we had over the weekend.  I had a slice of cheese pizza that was so disappointing, I wish I hadn't done it.  I've had a small amount of the tortillas and dip today, but yummy as it was, it's done really nothing for me.  I did enjoy my salad with deli roast turkey breast and shredded cheese.  I'm even jonesing for a fish/salad dinner tonight.  That's the stuff I'm eager to eat at the moment.

I feel loco in the cabeza for sure.  But I'll take this kind of crazy any day of the week!

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