Monday, April 22, 2013

progress...or lack thereof

Much like the US's war on terror, drugs or healtcare for all, my progress with my diet is well, lacking a forward momentum.

You would think, as would I have, that the weight loss surgery would have at least lightened the work load on the diet front even just a little...but it hasn't.  It's not the tool's fault, it's totally the user's.  But still.  You'd think a gal could catch some kind of break.

I'm pissed off at myself, and as determined as I have ever been to make this happen, but 5 minutes after I decry my conviction not to waste this freaking insane amount of money, it seems I'm not much further ahead.

And I try not to beat myself up.  The truth is that I always knew I'd have to do the work...and the band is really working.  Spring is always a killer time for me diet wise, because that's when all our family celebrations occur.  There's really never a good time if you think about it.

April 4th kicks off birthday season, and by the time we hit July 2nd, we've literally had 11 celebrations and then vacation season begins - it's time to do something that gets your head out of your computer monitor for a solid run of at least 5 days...which means more fun, more food, and lots of lazing around.

yeah...and then once summer vacations are finished, it's time to think about thanksgiving and Christmas.  At least those have 6-8 weeks between them.  So now with at least 3 of our celebrations under our belt (one of which was even my 40th milestone), I can say I've lost what I gained for my party, and I'm maintaining this weight.  I'm keeping a food diary, and I'm not really going hog wild even when the temptation is otherwise there...and I'm not terribly tempted either.  When I've strayed, it really hasn't been out of desperation or desire.  It's been out of a) obligation, b) access.  If I can manage access, and nod my head to obligation without going overboard, I consider that a huge success.

I had another non-scale victory though.  So, I threw out my massive track pants a few weeks ago, but I pruned my pajama drawer last night.  I looove my pajamas.  If I could live in my pajamas I certainly would...and for quite a long time, I actually did.  I'd only get dressed in street clothes long enough to be seen in public, but the second I'd walk back through the door, my pajamas went straight back on.  Even now, when I'm cold, I'm wearing 2 pairs of pajamas to's my thing.  SO, when it comes time to retire your most beloved pieces of clothing, when they are still wearable might I's a pretty big deal.  I even caught myself looking up at my bin of skinny clothes lying in wait on the top shelf of my closet...the ones I was wearing when I got pregnant, and thought, "hmmmm.  I wonder how long it will be before I can crack that open again?"  I can see my favourite blouse in through the transparent bin, and it's beckoning.  I want to wear it again so badly I can feel it.

We had a memorial to attend this week for a friend's mother.  I struggled to pick an outfit.  And when I finally landed on something, the blouse was humungous.  It was a wrap around blouse, and where the tie had been knotted, would have fit just comfortably, it hung loosely, and I'd tightened that bow almost as close as you could get it without affecting the look.  So 2 major victories in one weekend, and with additional birthday celebrations, I managed to keep myself in check - sort of.  Who could ask for anything more?

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