Friday, January 4, 2013

Earning the monsters

What if the monsters that haunt us were really medals of honour?  What if we looked at them like they were a testament to the things we've endured, to the things we've survived and not something that simply plagues us, or makes us something less?

Because they really are.  Depression, anxiety, mental illness in general is never a sign of failure or unworthiness.  The fight I have with my mental illness is just managing the monsters.  I don't think I really want them to go away, because they remind me of where I've been.  The depression I live with is marked by key events: losing my father, being bullied, graduating university and struggling to find work, not being accepted to post graduate school, high stress work and infertility...all capped off with failed businesses, parenthood and marriage with all it's natural ups and downs.  All of these challenges in life are what have lead me to the point where I sit today.  I'm facing several more challenges this year already.  But in every struggle, in every fight, something wonderful has either come before it, or directly afterward.

I can't deny that.  I've earned every scar on my body and that means that I've lived a life worth living?  That's funny, when I was dictating that last statement in my mind as I wrote it, it really was a statement, but somehow what came out was a question.  What I mean by stating though, that I've lived a life worth living is that if for some reason fate or God, or whomever you trust to help you pass into the next realm or dimension decided tomorrow was my day, I can say that I have no regrets.  I've enjoyed the majority of my days to the utmost.

I may have dealt with pains other people won't have any comprehension of...I may continue to be sneered at behind my back by strangers who mean nothing to me anyway and have no idea of what they speak.  But that's for them to resolve.  Those are regrets they will carry.  Not me.  I may continue to have real setbacks and other life altering moments when the grief and pain are absolute.  And I will survive those as well.  I will wear those badges honourably, and I will take them with me to the grave.

I've said it before, there are more people in this world that understand what the effects of depression and anxiety are than ever in our history.  It's time to start supporting one another and helping one another through the darkest moments, so that we can share with each other in our light.  We all have it in us.  The monsters have armies, and we have one another.  We too, are an army.

How can I help you?

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